I met my boyfriend through work. What started out as a professional relationship of strictly emails turned into texts, then phone calls, then Skype calls. I was hesitant to even meet him for a date, because I was so content with doing my own thing. But a co-worker convinced me that I’m at the time in my life where I should be dating. She explained to me that dating is important because I needed to meet different types of men. I needed to see what traits I liked, and what traits I didn’t like. I needed to learn to feel comfortable with dating. So I did it. I went on the date, and now we’re approaching nine months together.
Before I started dating my boyfriend, I had been in some relationships that ended pretty badly. There was no consistency with “types” of guys that I had dated. But I started to realize there was one consistent trait – I had dated them because I was vulnerable. I started seeing a guy because he was there for me when my grandpa died. And then there was the guy that I dated when I was planning a huge event for my university and about to graduate. And then there was the guy that I dated when I made the decision not to go to law school and started my first job. All of these situations ended much messier than they should have. So when I made the realization that I was dating out of vulnerability, I stopped dating.
What I started doing was exploring. I got all dressed up and went to social events. I started doing yoga. I immersed myself in volunteer work. I bought books. I started living my life and taking advantage of every opportunity around me. I stopped being polite to skeevy boys. I stopped playing by the rules so strictly, and I let loose a little bit. And then, just like that, I met someone.
I’ve always found a person to be so attractive (not necessarily in a romantic way) while they’re enthralled with what their doing. It amazes me to watch my boyfriend work; he is so passionate about what he does, and it shows. And it’s sweet when he notices things that make my eyes light up or surprises me with something because he saw me get all excited over it at Target.
Vulnerability can be a beautiful thing, but it can also get you into trouble. I always tell my sisters to be cautious about what you post on social media about a break up or how badly you hate being single. You may attract male attention, but probably not from guys that actually deserve you. And the same goes with bitterness. If you’re looking for someone new, posting snarky things about your ex “to show how over it you are” probably isn’t going to attract a potential suitor that isn’t a mega douche. And ladies, please just avoid the half-naked selfies. Is that really what you want to use to attract a man?
Here are my parting words on singleness – Enjoy it. Enjoy finding yourself and becoming the best you that you can be. And when the time is right, you will attract someone who is actually worth your attention.
What are your views on singleness? I’m interested to hear!