Lately, it has been a good time to be me. I don't mean that in a conceited way.... My life has been really full of excitement for the past month. On June 1, I celebrated being four years cancer free and the one year anniversary of my boyfriend and I living in the same city. On June 8, I took the LSAT. On June 9, I put in my two weeks notice at a job that I absolutely loved in exchange for a new opportunity with more growth. On Father's Day weekend, I was actually in the same city as my dad! I was welcomed into my new job by smiling faces and open arms, and I even have my own bathroom at work.
I really felt like I was climbing the ladder of life, but yesterday I realized I was riding a roller coaster. I was up at the very top, and then I got my LSAT score, and I hit one of those drops that you feel in your stomach that sucks the breath right out of you. It was not fun.
I was really angry - with myself and with God. How was it that I spent so much time studying and couldn't improve my score? Why couldn't God let me be happy for a minute after all of the sucky things I've dealt with?
And then I realized something. I had asked to be happy, not to be joyful. On Easter Sunday, I went to mass with my boyfriend, my best friend, her fiance, and her family. It was such a special thing, and I will never forget the sermon. The pastor spoke of joy, and how joy is a gift from God. I can get happiness from things of this Earth- Diet Coke makes me happy, retail therapy makes me happy, goat photos make me happy. But I get joy from doing God's work and from spending time with a family and boyfriend that he has blessed me with.
Before I took the LSAT, I prayed that God's will would be done. And even though my score was not what I wanted, I really think it was a sign that God has something better for me in store. As I work toward finding out what that is, I will continue to seek joy.
And if you got your LSAT score yesterday, and it was exactly what you wanted, I am genuinely so happy for you! And if you're in the same boat as I am, I feel you, and I hope that you will remember your worth is not tied up in a test score :)
Hope everyone is having a JOYFUL Wednesday!